Seattle to Mozambique

05 October 2006

So the Guest House that I’m staying in until I find a place (that apartment in the city was already rented…boohoo) is right across the street from a big open field. It is also kitty corner to what would be considered a shantytown in Brazil. The residents don’t have running water or bathrooms in their homes. So…they tend to relieve themselves in the field. It makes perfect sense to me. Where else is there to do it? I’ve made it my mission to find out. Anyway…back to the Shit Police.

Being a Shit Policeman is an actual job. It’s called a Fiscalizador. The job of this unfortunate person is to give tickets and fines to people who shit in the open field. The other day, Wendy, my colleague and roommate, was at home in the Guest House when she heard shouting right across the wall. A man was being beaten and blood was running down his face and front. He jumped over our wall to escape the group of people that were after him. Wendy, of course, was a little disturbed by this and went to ask the guy who guards the house what the deal was. It turns out that the bloody guy was a Fiscalizador but he was not giving out tickets to everyone. It was hard to tell if the group was upset that he wasn’t ticketing more people or if they were upset that he was only ticketing some people discriminately but they were obviously upset at the way he was performing his duties.

How much would this suck. Not only are you the Shit Police but if you don’t police the shit in an adequate manner you can get the shit beat out of you!!! All of this is to say that you won’t find me shitting in an open field anytime soon, at least not in the city of Beira. Who knows, perhaps in other places the Fiscalizadors do not take their shit so seriously.